What Is Defensiveness In Communication?

How does defensiveness affect communication?

As a person becomes more defensive, he or she becomes less and less able to perceive accurately the message and the motives of the speaker.

It results in greater likelihood of the listener actually hearing the message, and being able to fully understand and evaluate it..

What are some examples of defensive behavior?

Recognizing Defensive BehaviorThey appear to not be listening to you.They make a lot of excuses.They blame you for the problem.They say that you did the same thing that you’re unhappy about them doing.They talk a lot about why they caused the problem, trying to justify their behavior.More items…•

What causes defensiveness?

Defensive behavior might stem from a tough childhood or traumatic past, which can make a person more likely to “react through a negative lens,” said Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT, a psychotherapist and founder of Love and Life Toolbox.

How do you communicate with a defensive person?

Here are several steps that can help you become more emotionally intelligent when dealing with defensive people:Refrain from reacting defensively. … Shift your focus to the other person. … Ask questions until you understand them. … Move toward a resolution.

Do liars get defensive?

They tend to point a lot. “When a liar becomes hostile or defensive, he is attempting to turn the tables on you,” says Glass. The liar will get hostile because he is angry that you’ve discovered his lies, which may result in a lot of pointing.

What is defensiveness in a relationship?

Being defensive blocks connection, compassion, and isolates you from your partner. Instead of focusing on we-ness, a defensive person focuses on me-ness. Defensiveness is one of the most dangerous signs of toxic fighting because it creates never-ending cycles of negativity.

How do you fix defensive behavior?

How to Stop Getting DefensiveRemind yourself of your deepest values. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. … See criticism as a sign of others’ belief in your abilities. … Cultivate a growth mindset. … In the moment, buy time. … Use classic: “I” statements.

What is defensiveness?

The third horsemen in the Four Horsemen is a common one: defensiveness, which is defined as self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack.

What causes defensive communication?

Defensive communication is common in the workplace due to the environment frequently being perceived as evaluative, judgmental, manipulative, or autocratic. Research indicates defensive reactions in the workplace cause inefficiency in communication and potential burnout.

Does defensiveness mean guilt?

When a person is defensive, that means that person wants to defend his or her position. It is definitely not a sign of guilt.

How can you tell if someone is defensive?

Signs of defensivenessLoss of humor.Taking offense.High charge or energy in the body.Sudden drop in intelligence.Wanting to be right (“No question about it!”)Wanting the last word.Flooding with information to prove your point.Endless explaining and rationalizing.More items…

Is Defensive an emotion?

Defensiveness is when we try to counter or deny criticisms in areas in which we feel sensitive. For many, this is a way to emotionally protect ourselves. Our brain instinctively kicks into “fight or flight” mode when we think we are in trouble, which can lead to overwhelming emotions like anger and anxiety.

What is defensiveness a sign of?

People react defensively because they anticipate or perceive a threat in their environment, not usually because they’re just wanting to be difficult. Unfortunately, defensive behavior creates a reciprocal cycle.